Quotation from a mail.

As another year will shortly be a memory, my heartfelt
appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken
the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the
past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe,
secure, blessed, and wealthy.


Extra thanks for the ones that I have to open 15
times to get to the message.


Special thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat
poop in the glue on envelopes 'cause I now have to go
get a wet towel every time I need to seal an
envelope.


Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the
same reason.


Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola
because it can remove toilet stains.


I no longer use Glad Wrap in the microwave because it
causes cancer.


I no longer check the coin return on pay phones or go
to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle
infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though
I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone
might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from, nor send packages
by UPS, or FedEx, since they are actually Al Qaeda in
disguise.

I no longer answer the phone, because someone will
ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone
bill with calls to Jamaica, Ugana, Singapore, and
Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC, because their "chickens" are
actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or
feathers.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change
once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman
Marcus, since I now have their recipe.


I no longer worry about my soul, because at last
count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers
my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my
friends and make a wish within five minutes.


I no longer have any savings, because I gave it to a
sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the
1,387,258th time)


I no longer have any money at all - but that will
change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and
AOL are sending me for participating in their special
email program.


Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for
me that I will now return the favor!


If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000
people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a
wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00
PM (EDT) this afternoon. I know this will occur
because it actually happened to a friend of mine's
next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second
husband's cousin's beautician.

Have a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!